I'm Alex, and I make content when I feel like it. I'm 28, DFAB non-binary (they/any pronouns,) and bisexual. My content primarily exists as an excuse for me to get dressed up without having to leave the house. I enjoy painting, being bad at makeup, and tricking people into thinking I'm mentally and emotionally stable. Listen to my playlists on Spotify to have your dick blown clean off.
I'm neurodivergent, immunocompromised, and suffer with chronic fatigue. I'm professionally diagnosed with a cocktail of mental health issues, but the primary ones to be aware of are Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Other Specified Eating Disorder, as they are the ones most likely to impact my content.
The Ugly
The Ugly
The Ugly
If you've been here a while, you may remember this page containing an ominous countdown. As many of you quickly figured out, the end date of that timer was October 26th, 2026, my 30th birthday, and the day that I planned to leave this world if things had not yet changed for the better. Behind the scenes, this date was incredibly ambitious. In reality, my goalpost had changed numerous times. At first, I wanted to make it to the end of 2023. Then until Christmas. Then until Thanksgiving. Then until Halloween. Then until my birthday. As this section is to inform you of, though, is that I didn't make it to that date, either.
Hello, my name is Alex. If this section has updated to display this instead of the counter, I am no longer walking the Earth. After multiple failed attempts starting before I even entered high school, I've finally succeeded at finding peace. It's not my job to justify my decision to anyone. I know having done this will have hurt people. I've had panic attack after panic attack, nightmare after nightmare, viscerally feeling and visualizing each and every reaction from my family and friends. I know the pain and devastation I'm going to leave in my wake. I know this decision is selfish, but I have chosen to be selfish for the first and last time in my life in order to end decades of personal suffering. I have fought for a long time. I've tried every therapy. Seen numerous doctors. Taken all the medication I was prescribed. Exercised. Ate well. Slept regularly. Tried yoga. Everything. I've tried. I've tried. I've tried. Unfortunately, sometimes doing our best just isn't enough. I've tried to forge a path for myself filled with things I enjoy, but those little joys don't trump the amount of pain I had to deal with on a regular basis. I've fought as long as I could, but I'm exhausted. I want to rest. I want to be at peace. I'm hoping by the time you're reading this, I finally am.